I am a literature student and I have tears of laughter in my eyes
"Oh, to be toilet paper, that I might touch that cheek."
"Do you wipe your bum at us, sir?"
"No, sir, I do not wipe my bum at you, sir, but I wipe my bum, sir."
"Diarrhea on both your houses!"
"How silver-sweet sound lovers’ toots by night,
Like the softest music to attending ears.”
THIS POST IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME
EVEN IF IT IS ONLY 65p YOU’D AT LEAST EXPECT THEM TO USE THE WORD “PUPPY”.
OMG I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE ABLE TO USE IT BUT I DID IT I DID THE THING
I’M AT THE LIBRARY TRYING TO READ A GODDAMN BOOK AND I LOOK UP AND SHAQ IS SMIRKING SENSUALLY AT ME FROM BEHIND A BOOK AND I CAN’T FOCUS I’M SO UNCOMFORTABLE